So blogger.com has taught me a lesson. A lesson about using colours and different font sizes. Or, more accurately, about not using colours and different font sizes. You know why? Because that shit doesn't fly around here.
But I thought about it, blogger.com, and I decided that the heart of the problem, well, it lies squarely with you. Yeah, that's right - not me, it's you, pal. You come on strong with all your "user-friendly" interface. "Oh yes, people, come to me! Flock to me, my children, and I will let you use five different font sizes and a small rainbow of colours to fully articulate all of your self-centered, in-joke-reliant petty observations about our world!" Such an attractive idea, how could we resist?
Oh, I fell for that song and dance, and I fell hard. Hard! I was tentative at first, a bit shy, blushing as I first used the italics here, maybe made bold a phrase there. It was innocent; we were just playing around. Then things got serious and I sometimes added some colour in! My orange thoughts could now actually be orange! When I was feeling blue, so were my pathetic, self-reflexive words! It was like having some strange new super power! (But way smaller and far less useful!)
But then something happened - I lost control. You let me think I was guiding my own blog destiny, blogging the way I wanted to. But really it was your way all along. I couldn't turn it off. Can you imagine the shame, blogger.com, of clicking on your "handy" (please understand that I meant "handy" with extreme sarcasm) italics or bold button, and seeing, seeing with your own eyes that the button was no off, but still your words were in italics?!? Even worse was the time I'd attempted to use the huge font for the first letter of a post, sort of like those old-tyme storybooks, thinking Maybe we can have some fun with this thing. But you fucked me, blogger.com, and good...IT ALL CAME OUT HUGE! What if someone had actually visited that page, man?!? I know no one did, because that's blogging and I can accept that, but it could have happened by accident! What would they have thought of me?!? God, I can't believe I trusted you!
I'll keep posting. But not because I feel comfortable. I'll do it, on my terms, because I'm not a quitter (unless you count volunteering, silkscreening, cataloguing my magazines, learning the guitar, exercising, studying the French language, etc...). But if you keep messing me around, man, you will be so sorry, because I will watch Pump Up the Volume and get so in to it that I will BLOG HARD!


newpolluter said...

I hate it when things don't turn off too.

Samutsakon said...

a fine rant. Great